Saturday, April 14, 2018
I've had another change of plans. I'm going to blog my next book. Why the fuck not. It's not like I'm making real scratch. However, I'm changing my address to reflect the title of the new book. Here's the link. Thanks for your patience. Cheers.
Posted by Jack Smith at 9:39 AM
Friday, April 13, 2018
I completed my book, and I've made $23 so far. Good for me. I'm now a professional writer. You can laugh. But I did something, and I got paid. That's the definition of being a professional. My next book will be out in January. The tentative title is Filthy Beast: An Idiot in China.
I'm going to keep this blog open, and I plan to post every day. However, if you want to read the good stuff, then you'll have to pony up the cash. Not much, mind you. I plan on selling volume two for under three bucks. So start saving your money because January is right around the corner.
Enjoy the film. It's a chilling tale husband and wife serial killers. God bless.
Posted by Jack Smith at 1:48 PM
Thursday, April 12, 2018
Wednesday, April 11, 2018
Tuesday, April 10, 2018
(How many more Americans have to die in the Middle East?)
Yesterday, I arrived at school at 7:30 a.m. I called Ken the Atheist using WeChat.
He said, "How's your novel going?"
I said, "I sold eight copies."
"Man, that's a lot! I never thought you'd be so successful."
"I really wouldn't call that a huge success. So far, I've only made fifteen dollars."
"It's better than nothing."
The students came into my class at 8 a.m. for homeroom. A girl named Patty Wang screamed at me for leaving the windows open. Patty yells a lot.
She said, "Don't leave the windows open! The air is very dirty!"
I said, "First of all, the air quality is pristine today. Secondly, it stinks in here."
"I don't care. I'm shutting them right now."
"Go sit down, Patty."
She defied me and slammed the windows shut with a bang. Then she shot me a menacing scowl. So I immediately gave her a detention. Delivering this punishment made me feel like a big man. Maybe I'm just a fucking asshole, but I'm not going to let some teenager push me around.
I walked back to my apartment and watched Fox News Sunday with Chris Wallace. The big news came out of Syria. Assad--with the help of Putin--supposedly killed 40 of his own people with poison gas. Now John "Cancer Head" McCain and his butt-boy Lindsey Graham want to send more American troops to the Middle East. Sometimes, I can't help but scratch my noggin. We never seem to fucking learn from our mistakes.
I went to bed at 9 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. HBO made a movie about Joe Paterno. Lots of Joe's former players are complaining about the film. They want the coach to be remembered as a good guy. Unfortunately, Paterno was a scoundrel. He passively stood by as his friend Jerry Sandusky ass-fucked teenaged boys in the Penn State locker room. It doesn't get much lower than that.
Anyway, I've got nothing left to tell you. God bless.
Posted by Jack Smith at 2:29 PM
Monday, April 9, 2018
(Black gangs are causing trouble in England.)
Yesterday, I decided to wear my Crocs to work. My feet were in heaven. They might not look professional, but I'm just too fucking old for uncomfortable shoes. My tootsies deserve all the help that I can give them.
I taught a class which focused on the format of the MLA style guide.
One of my students said, "Why do we have to know this?"
I said, "You will be required to write research papers in American universities."
"Will it help us get a job?"
I thought about it for a moment. Then I decided to tell the truth.
"It never helped me. But I'm not a member of the intelligentsia. Perhaps you will be a professor one day. In that case, research papers shall be your bread and butter."
"But I want to be a baseball player."
"There aren't a lot of Chinese baseball players in the MLB. However, there are a lot of Chinese professors teaching at colleges in the United States. Get my drift?"
"Well, it's just something that you must learn to do. Don't shoot the messenger."
I walked back to my apartment with Rice-Boy Larry and watched Tucker Carlson on YouTube. London now has a higher murder rate than New York. The police in London used to frisk suspicious-looking black people. But the English powers-that-be put a stop to that politically incorrect behavior in order to avoid hurting the feelings of snowflakes. So now black gangs are free to terrorize the city. Liberals have to be the dumbest fuckers in the world.
The Dragon Lady made spicy pork and French fries for dinner. The meat was hotter than a five-alarm fire. However, I didn't complain. I just smiled and ate my vittles like the village retard. I'm wonderful that way. The glass is always half full at my humble abode. Our relationship has been peaceful lately. I don't want to fuck it up over food.
I checked the Amazon website to see how many novels I sold. I'm now up to nine. My royalties come to roughly fifteen dollars. You are some of the stingiest motherfuckers in the world. You should all be ashamed of yourselves.
I went to bed at 9 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. A hillbilly from Tennessee murdered his non-verbal autistic son. The kid was only five years old. Sometimes, I wish that God would just blow up this entire fucking planet.
Anyway, I've got nothing left to tell you. Have a great day, you cheap fucking bastards.
Posted by Jack Smith at 3:02 PM
Sunday, April 8, 2018
(Please protect us from the shithole nations.)
Yesterday, my wife took Rice-Boy Larry shopping in Koreatown. Meanwhile, I stayed home and watched pornography. I viewed a movie starring Tracy Adams. Tracy was a semi-popular porn-queen back when I was much younger. She's now in her mid-fifties. Her big tits are all sagging and wrinkled these days. There's no escaping age.
After getting my jollies, it was time for Tucker Carlson. The president has decided to send the National Guard down to the border. They will assist in keeping the unwanted Mexicans and Central Americans out of my precious country. Thank God for that. Maybe I'm crazy, but I truly believe that many undocumented aliens vote in our elections. Consequently, they've taken a beautiful red country and transformed it into a hideous blue nation. So those assholes need to turn around and walk the fuck home.
The Dragon Lady returned at five p.m. with two large pizzas from Dominoes. The meal was delicious. I'm a huge fan of junk food. All that starch sends me straight to the moon. I washed the vittles down with several large glasses of Pepsi-Cola. I used to drink beer on a nightly basis. But now I'm just too old for alcohol. I can no longer handle the headaches.
I cringed as I listened to Rice-Boy Larry munch away on his food.
I said, "If your table manners don't improve, then no white woman will want you."
He said, "Who told you that I want a white woman?"
The Dragon Lady said, "Don't mally Amelican or China woman. Dey bad. Kolean or Japanese much bettah."
I said, "That's great advice, son. Just look how happy I am."
She said, "You da asshoe."
I turned my attention to Larry. "Have you thought about a North Korean? I hear that those chicks are a ton of fun. They'll knock your teeth out and send you back to your mommy as a vegetable."
After dinner, I sat on my sofa and browsed the web. My novel has only sold four copies so far. Most of the people who read this blog are a bunch of cheap motherfuckers. You think they'd be willing to spend three bucks to show their support. Not them. I guess they're too busy saving up for the upcoming financial apocalypse.
I went to bed at 10 p.m. I didn't dream. I woke up at 5 a.m. and drank a cup of instant coffee. Then I read the news on my smartphone while taking a nasty shit. UFC legend Conor McGregor got arrested in The Big Apple for acting like a violent asshole. It seems that he and his friends attacked a bus with metal objects. The glass from the broken windows actually injured a couple of fighters. Conor never fails to entertain.
Anyway, I've got nothing left to tell you. God bless.
Posted by Jack Smith at 2:32 PM